The Laws of Ultimate Reality

I received this list as an email pass-around. The items on the list made me chuckle, probably because each has a grain of truth.

The Laws of Ultimate Reality:

• Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers.


• Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act.


• Variation Law - If you change lines (or traffic lanes), the one you were in at first will always move faster than the one you are in now.


• Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach


• Law of Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet/rug.


• Law of the Result - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will.


• Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.


• Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to pee.


• Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire.


• Law of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.


• Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings.


• Law of the Theater - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last.


• The Starbucks Law - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.


• The Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better.Don't make an appointment and you will remain sick.


• Law of Commercial Marketing - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it.


• Law of Physical Appearance - If the shoe fits, it's ugly.


• Law of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet.


• Law of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about.

Do any of these ring true for you?

Tip of the hat to my friend Kathy, who sent the list to me.

Eight Random Things

My friend Mark Stoneman tagged me for the Eight Random Things meme: I'm supposed to tell eight random things about myself -- presumably things that most people might not know about me.

Here goes nothin' -

1) This is the first meme I've ever done, since my other blogs don't lend themselves to this kind of nonsense, heh heh.

2) Among Mark's Eight Random Things, he revealed that he used to raise hens when he was a kid. He's not the only one who had chickens. When I was a child, my grandfather used to buy colored chicks for my sister and me every Easter. (Selling dyed chicks as novelty pets was still legal then.) My sister always got dark rose-colored chicks, which she loved, and she always named them "Rosy Luk-luk." I got a different color chick each year, and gave them names like "Pecky," "Lucky," "Chickie," and similar un-original names.

3) Our friends' colored chicks always seemed to die. Ours always lived, and all of them turned out to be White Leghorn roosters. [See photo.] In late Fall we'd have to give them away to a local farmer. Visitation rights were not part of the deal, so we never were sure whether they really became members of an established flock, or ended up in a stewpot (and we were afraid to ask).

4) I studied Latin for four years in high school -- a public high school, not a Catholic one, believe it or not. In those days, learning Latin was thought to be an essential part of a well-rounded education.

5) My own children's schools did not offer Latin, so I decided to teach them first-year Latin myself. I stopped by the Classics Department at our local university and told the department secretary that I intended to teach Latin to my children and I was looking for some advice on appropriate materials. I'll never forget the incredulous look on her face. She exclaimed, "You want to do WHAT?!" But to her credit, she regained her composure quickly and directed me to a Latin professor who did indeed help me out by giving me a syllabus and review copies of a first-year Latin text and its companion workbook -- all for free. He also told me that, while he admired my motives, I was probably wasting my time. In the end, the kids and I did complete about half the lessons in the syllabus, no more, but no less.

6) Speaking of languages, we lived in Greece for many years, and as a result my husband and children and I all can speak, read, and write Modern Greek, at assorted levels of competency.

7) When we returned to the U.S. after living in Greece, I found a unique and practical use for our knowledge of the Greek language. Our garage door had a combination lock, but everyone kept forgetting the combination. I wrote out the combination on a card, using the Greek words for the numbers instead of numerals: δωδεκα, εικοσι-οκτω, δεκα-εξι. I pasted the card on the door beside the lock. Since there were no other Greek-speakers about, we were pretty certain that no one outside our family could read it. At the same time, we concluded that if someone came along who could read the combination, and could thus get into the garage and ultimately into the house, we'd probably want to meet that person anyway!

8) Finally, a confession: Even though I have several advanced degrees, I have never learned to touch-type. I can type at better than average speed, but I still have to look down at the keyboard from time to time, and I use only two fingers on each hand to type, not counting thumbs for the space bar. (But I can use a ten-key number pad properly, and without looking.)

UPDATE: I tagged Mary for the Eight Random Things meme, and she has posted her reply on her blog.